I Was Angry

Okay, so when I got the call that I was being replaced and it was done while I was on vacation it was a huge blow to me.  But that would be one of several hits that I would have to take and would literally shake my faith in God. There would be a couple to get pregnant and not be married which pissed me off because here we were wanting to get pregnant and couldn’t.  Then we would get a call that a mom was going to be placing her child up for adoption but she would change her mind.

You see we were praying, stood in prayer lines, got prayed over and tried every possible method to get pregnant and nothing. When we found out about the couple being pregnant I had to ask what the heck?  My husband and I were deacons at our church and serving in ministry but just could get pregnant.  Here are these two getting pregnant with no problem and I was angry with God.  I didn’t understand why He was not faithful to the word that had been given to me about having children.

Then while I was preparing for my last day at work, I got a call from the adoption agency telling me that we going to be parents of a baby girl.  We were so excited!  Two of my friends that were pregnant 3 months apart threw us a baby shower.  It was the most exciting time of our lives.  We got our crib, stroller and so many wonderful things to bring home this princess.   But, I was supposed to have gotten a call of when we could come pick up the baby and no call.  Have you ever had the pit in your stomach that something just isn’t right?  Yup, I called the social worker from the adoption agency and she informed me that the birth mother had changed her mind. Oh, the anger, the heartache! I just went to church out of obligation and duty. I was angry with God.

We even decided that we were going to move to another state because we were just done.  The Holy Spirit even tried to prompt me to go back to read one of my notebooks but I refused.  I just didn’t understand why God was allowing all of this to happen to us. But, God on a Thursday night service reminded us of His promise and told us to start declaring, proclaiming and believing. We got the call in July of 2006 that we would be parents of a baby girl.  He is not a God that lies but we just don’t know the road that we will have to travel to reach the promise. So, instead of asking why just ask God to give you the strength to go through this season of your life.

Isaiah 55:8-9New International Version (NIV)

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,  so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.


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